AS CLEAN AS CAN BE
December 17th 2007 12:38
There are so many things I want. Like massive feet. And maybe a remote that turns traffic lights green. And maybe unlimited money, so I can buy meals and use the earphones when I fly with Virgin Blue or Jetstar.
Ellis’ daughter had a name, but I didn’t know it for a while. Well, I should’ve known it, but I didn’t listen properly the first time he introduced her to me. Actually, I did listen. I just forgot. I’m really bad with names. Once, I met a guy who I thought was named John. His name was Daniel. Ellis’ daughter once asked me, “Do you think I’m boring?” and I didn’t say anything. I wanted to teach her the guitar, but I didn’t know how to play the guitar. And neither of us had a guitar.
I had been in Townsville for about 2 weeks and was absolutely sick of writing. It was making me lonely and weird and cynical and I was tired of finding the layers and hidden poetries behind everything. I started to miss accepting things for what they were. I missed Brisbane River. I missed my friends. I wanted to smile genuinely again. Ellis used to live in Sydney. A lot of people think that he’s still in Sydney. He secretly moved to Townsville with his daughter to get over something he wouldn’t tell me. He admits that his writing was never that great, so he stopped at a couple of books. He loved getting drunk more than he loved cars and sport. I guess I liked him because he believed in me, and he probably still does.
Ellis’ daughter and I were alone one day. I forgot what day it was. It was probably a Saturday. But maybe it wasn’t. I don’t know. I asked her if she had Facebook and she said no. I asked her if she had a MySpace and she asked me, “What’s that?” I asked her if she wanted a coffee or something and she said she doesn’t like coffee. I asked her if she wanted to smoke with me and she said she doesn’t smoke. We watched Oprah, an episode about a gay couple who adopted a bunch of kids. We said nothing while watching it. Well, once in a while, she said, “That’s so cute.” I asked her if she would ever kiss a girl and she looked at me with ferocious disgust and walked to her room and shut the door and I just sat there, feeling dirty and evil. I was confused. Every other girl I’ve met had answered yes to that question, and then proceeded to tell me about lesbian stories and dreams. Wasn’t that a normal conversation starter?
I remembered the first time I saw someone shoot up. I remembered talking to my friend in front of the hospital; his girlfriend had just gotten raped by her uncle. I remembered those countless drunken nights and that forty year old woman who snorted the magic that was spilled all over my fingers. I remembered my mother telling me to stay innocent while I'm still young enough to be allowed to stay innocent. I remembered Annie. I looked at Ellis’ daughter’s closed door, Michelle or Kath or Maureen or whatever the hell her name was. It was closed and it was sturdy and it was clean. I walked to my room and threw the rest of my cigarettes in the bin.
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Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Food Slate
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
Take heart I am notorious at not remembering names ... inone ear, out the other. Can you imagine, I ask my client their name, tell them to take a seat. Then I sit down opposite them and call them something that is not the same as what they said?
Now I just ask them againa and apologise and say I am menopausal ... well not quite, but, hey, pre-menopausal and... well, it makes you kind of crazy, like when you were a teenager and couldn;t remember anything, especially people's names.
*laughs*
A heartwarming encounter.
Lilla ...
Comment by Always Eighteen
Always Eighteen
Yes, I'm zonked out most of the time, I really have no idea what's going on. Haha
Comment by Always Eighteen
Always Eighteen
Hahahahahahah
Always