CHRISTMAS EVA
December 25th 2006 06:41
Jacob, David, Eva, and I decided to be like Jimmy Wang for Christmas. No alcohol. No drugs. No references to pornography or gambling or the strippers we met last week. No swearing. No dirty jokes. No mum jokes. No homosexual jokes. No racial jokes. No “constructive” jokes.
Eva decorated the apartment with red and green. She put lights on the mailbox. She bought us Christmas cards that played tunes for songs like “All I want for Christmas is you.” We wore party hats. We played monopoly for a while until it became confusing. Thanks to Lilla’s advice, we were environmentally conscious when making our Christmas tree – we made it out of fruit. We bought about a hundred dollars worth of fruit, piled them up, and decorated them with streamers and shiny things and photos and names and lego figures and lights. We then ate the fruit.
For Christmas, Jacob gave me about ten canisters of Pringles. David gave me a figure of a wooden man hiding inside a barrel that he bought from the Philippines. When you pull the barrel off him, his erect penis will suddenly bounce out. Eva gave me a scrapbook. I gave Eva all the photos we’ve taken together. The four of us wrote what we want to change about ourselves and put it in a star she made, and she climbed on our roof and stuck it there.
I drove Eva to Mount Coot-tha before midnight. It was where we had our first kiss. It was also where she kissed Matthew back those months ago.
Eva and I sat on the bonnet of my car, looking at Brisbane city. We had cups of red and green cordial in our hands. The city lights that blinked on and off but decided to stay still. Eva shivered a little. I put my arm around her. We talked about how we first met, how goofy I looked like. We talked about our fights. We talked about what words we chose. We talked about dates. We talked about Sydney. We talked about Brisbane. I wanted to think about things like the new Transformers movie or how I once woke up in the middle of a snore, so when I opened my eyes I heard my mouth making a crunching sound, but my childish distractions didn’t work, the only conclusion that kept rubbing into my mind again and again and again was this: love is a stupid, yet necessary thing. I didn’t want Eva to move from that spot. I didn’t want her to step off the bonnet. I didn’t want to stop thinking about her. I didn’t want to stop being tempted. I didn’t want to stop the lust or the clenching of my fist around my grotesque, beating heart. I didn’t want us to fly away or escape or separate or become January clouds February moons March weather April distance May sky, trip over and land on December’s lonely skin. I didn’t want her to go, I didn’t want her to go, I didn’t want her to go, I don’t want her to go, I don’t want her to go, I don’t want her to go. I don’t want her to go back to Sydney, which would be in early February. One day I’ll be someone she’ll frequently call. A month after that, I’ll be someone she’ll email now and then. A few months later, I’m a photo in a box somewhere. A man will chase her. I’ll chase another girl. New chapters. Memories with no emotions. Does love turn into a mere lifespan if it isn’t constantly fed?
Eva said it was over. I said it can’t be. She said I love you. I said I love you, too. She said it was over. I said let’s try a long distance thing. She hesitated, then said don’t do this.
I’m a great believer of the Christmas Spirit. Amidst the money and the business and the profits and the gifts, there are feelings, strange and awesome feelings that only Christmas can bring.
I looked at my watch. It was 12 am. I looked at Eva and smiled. I wiped a tear off her eye. We put our party hats on.
“Merry Christmas, my darling,” Eva sang.
“Merry Christmas, my star,” I sang back.
The song on my car stereo as we sat and drank red and green cordial: First Day of my Life, by Bright Eyes.
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Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
I am impressed by your Christmas Tree, what a lovely idea *lol* ... you didn't happen to take a picture of it, did you?
I am so saddened by your pain... I remember a very similar situation and I remember the fellow that was leaving me behind said one sentence... he said, 'does love last a lifetime, or does life last a love-time?'
He ended up as a picture in a shoebox and I'm sure I did too until I got married years later.. I truly hope you find a compromise...
wishing you luck and strength and happiness...
*hugs*
Lilla...
Comment by Always Eighteen
Always Eighteen
Merry Christmas! Yes, it wasn't the biggest of trees, but we tried our best for it to look impressive! Tip: it's very hard using rounded fruits. Bananas are good for a base! Damn it took a long time.
I know I am still young, and from the surface, anyone can tell me and Eva to move on from each other. Everything about relationships are logical form the surface, but when it comes to the real deal, when you actually feel what you see, then evertything that makes sense swerves out of control.
I feel for you and your ex love. I like the quote he made. To me, love has a lifespan. Do you think you would have ended up happier with or without him?
Relationships give us a different sort of happy, don't you think? Not the textbook kind?
Merry Christmas and a happy new year, Lilla!
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
... to answer your question involves treading on dangerous ground... "I'm talking 'what-if' ground here" ... very treacherous place to go...but I'll hang for a minute and tell you what I get...*stepping into the memory*
...
~honestly?, I don't really know because I'm not there and can't be... I've never forgotten him though, or that first touch and our kisses... ripped apart by time and circumstances...looking back from here...it seems silly to me now, but I have learnt that we must accept what happens to us, does so for a higher good, which we can not always see... I learnt to detatch from my emotions... without the need to cloak myself in reasons... it is painful, no doubts about it.... sure, I can imagine a happy ending there too.. married, ignorant and blissfully happy...
I was torn away by my parents and I wonder if you truly love Eva, why you would not follow her to Sydney...(?) Had I been older, nothing would have stopped me from being with my love. But he lived in a communist regime and by the time I had a job and means and wisdom of age, he was gone to the army and married upon his return... like the river of life had swept him up and carried him away from me... and that is what your story reminded me of with Eva... like the circumstances were beyond your control....(?) ~
*snapping out of it now*
.. you see AE, I told you it was a dangerous place to go because people get caught there... in the past I mean... you should visit the past, sure... but you have to be careful not to get caught there...you must leave it behind.
I truly wish you a happy New year and again, hope a resolution is found and/or that your heart heals quickly...
*more hugs*
Lilla...
Comment by Sisi
Comment by Always Eighteen
Always Eighteen
I can't follow Eva to Sydney because I still have to graduate, and my family lives here, and it is not yet my time to leave them behind. Plus, I have fallen in love with Brisbane...
You have an amazing story, and I'm sorry for troubling you to visit the past again. If only relationships did not require a compulsory, emotional attachment to them. I still think about my first crush, back in year one, her name is Jenny. After all these years, I still haven't forgotten her, and how my parents, upon looking at her photo, said "My is she ugly!"
Comment by menaku