JACOB IS A HOMOSEXUAL

I’ve been reacting to this Lack of Everything by yelling at people. I clench my fists a lot. It takes hours to fall asleep.

Since I couldn’t make myself laugh, I tried interacting with other things that might make me laugh. I asked Jacob to shave David’s eyebrows, and he did. I smiled, but that was about it. I asked Jacob to shave David’s forehead, so his forehead hair will grow back longer and thicker, and he did. Still, no reaction. I asked Jacob to flash himself in front of a few firemen, and he did, but all I could manage was a half hearted smile.

I visited Trisha today, this girl I met when I was a pizza boy. She’s ten years older than I am. She used to blindfold me when we kissed. She called me things like “Darl” and “Sweety,” and, unfortunately, “Son,” which made me uncomfortable. She liked to play with things like nipple clamps and mouth gags, and she liked to dig into my back with her nails and feet, and I had to break up with her when she pulled out a set of blue beads. The last time I saw her was at Maddie’s funeral.

“I’m not tickling you, Dean.”

“Tickle me, common’ Trish, you used to do it a lot and it made me laugh a lot.”

“I’m not tickling you.”

I sighed. “Tickle me.”

“Fine.” Trish leaned forward and tickled me. She rubbed her fingers against the sides of my waist. Afterwards, she tried my neck. “Shit, you really do have issues. You didn’t laugh at all.”

We were both standing in front of her house. She didn’t invite me in. “I heard you’ve been living with Jacob.”

“Yeah,” I said.

“He’s gay, right?”

“He’s not gay.”

Trisha looked at me with disbelief. “He’s gay, Dean. Didn’t you hear about that time he banged three guys in the Beat?”

“What're you on about? I see Jacob hook up with chicks all the time.”

Trisha crossed her head. “He’s gay. He’s a homosexual.”

“He’s not gay.” I paused. “Even if he’s gay, what’s wrong with having a gay best friend? Guys can have gay best friends too, right? Maybe he’s bi. He’s not gay, Trish. Nothing’s wrong with being gay. Trish, he’s not gay.”

“I’m pretty sure that David guy is gay, too.”

I felt angry. “You’re going overboard now.”

“Maybe you’re gay too, Dean. You live in a one bedroom apartment with two other, single guys.”

“I sleep on the couch! I’m not gay!”

Trisha smiled. “You’re cute when you’re angry, you know that?”

“I’m not gay.”

Trisha touched my cheek. “I don’t think you should live with those two. They’re fucked in the head.”

I pulled away. “And you’re not?”

“Ouch." She frowned, and when I didn't reply, she continued: "I just want you to make normal friends for once.”

“They are normal. They’re all I’ve got.”

“How’s Eva?”

“I don’t know. She calls now and then, but generally, I don’t know.”

“You’re not with her anymore?”

I started to say something, but changed my mind. “I have to go, Trish, I’ve got exams coming up.”

I hugged Trish and hurried to my car. “DON’T BLOG ABOUT ME!” she yelled as I drove off.