LETTER FROM EVA
March 18th 2007 13:26
...and did you ever listen to music to cry? Well, I used to. I’d put on a really sad song, and I’d listen to it again and again and again so that the tears would all come out. I know, it sounds pretentious. Sometimes, though, I just need to cry, and I can’t keep it in me naturally or else it will store up and it will come out when I don’t want it to. Things are pretty stressful with university here. I’m sorry I haven’t really been keeping in touch. I read your blog once in a while, and, as usual, your life sounds crazy (I guess that’s a good thing? You were always drawn to things that were a little messed up, right baby?)
I have a pimple. I have a few pimples, actually, and there are now dark rings around my eyes. My friend Peter said that I looked like a panda bear. I was told that university life will grant me much more free time than year 12, but it seems exactly the opposite. If I’m not doing readings, I’m doing a class test. I really don’t know how people do it. I miss sleeping properly.
I’m sorry if I haven’t been telling you that I miss you like I used to, or how I love you like I used to. I’m sorry if I haven’t been answering all your calls. Something about Sydney has been draining me. I can no longer feel my pulse. I’ve become very sick lately. I remember that time when you were leaning against a traffic light, and you looked so young and afraid, and you told me not to leave. You told me that you’ll lock yourself up if I went away again. You said that you can’t stand another person leaving your life. Things are okay with you now, though, right? I’m glad that you’ve made new friends. Thank you for the things you've sent.
Daddy is really sick and he’s not getting better. We all went to the beach the other day. We didn’t swim, but I was glad to spend time with him. I barely see him as it is with his work and my studies. I am so frustrated with life. If only life was like all the photos we have; happy memories and nothing else. We went to church today. I was happy to go again. I felt secure.
Remember how we snuck into the golf course on your birthday? And we had Bratz party hats on, and we laid on the green and I held your hand, and you let me hold it? You fell asleep but I kept looking at you, and I thought things would never change. I still look at the photo we took there. You message me once in a while and tell me that you still love me, but I don’t think I can say it back without being dishonest. I don't know who I am anymore. Please stop asking me to come back, because it hurts.
I hope that you are okay.
Take care,
Me.
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Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
how wonderful to hear news, how sad to hear those words, how great to know she is still alive, how horrible to think you may never hold her again, how long the days seem, but how nice to be able to re-read it again and again, to be able to re-read the bits where you were together, to ignore the ending and hope that with prayer, God can change things... how hard to expect a miracle and believe in one ... how hard to let go and just be, again... with no expectations, no regrets.
Probably the water and pollution in the air... /seriously... Flouride in the water. We don't have it in Queensland. It is awful stuff (i'm about to do a post on it - how uncanny), anyway, they used to use it in the Nazi prison camps and Russian Gulags to dampen down the prisoners. It makes people complacent, it's power should not be underestimated ...
Eva is under its influence...
She is love sick too,
and there is all that pollution in the air...
She is studying... as well?
OMG, When she says she doesn't know who she is, it is not personal... give her space, tell her about the Flouride.
Love, light and laughter to you,
Lilla ...
Comment by Always Eighteen
Always Eighteen
Wow, that's really interesting about the flourine... I was always under the impression that flourine was good because it made your teeth healthier. Heh. I'll definitely have to pop on over to your blog.
Even though I miss Eva, I don't think I am in the top list of her mind anymore, and there is nothing I can do to change this.
Comment by Ash
Flashes of memories
I wish I could say something that would make you feel better but I know I can`t so I just offer you the silent understanding and warm hugs from someone who knows where you are coming from.
be well Brisvegas boy
ash
Comment by Always Eighteen
Always Eighteen
thank you for your hug