LOVE LETTER
October 30th 2006 23:58
Can you hear it? Well, you probably can’t, because only I can hear my own heartbeat. Well, me, and probably the doctor once in a while, when he places that listening thingy on my chest and asks me to breathe in and out. But usually, only I can hear my heart beat. Come to think of it, I actually CAN’T hear my heartbeat most of the time, I usually only hear it when I’m lying down or I’m underneath water or if I put my finger on my wrist and feel my pulse and imagine how it would sound like, or if I actually borrow the listening thingo from the doctor and breathe in and out slowly like he asks me to. Where am I getting at? Why am I rambling? Probably because you make me happy, but the thing is, I probably won’t be able to tell you this in person, because, well, it’s not healthy, because all those spaces between my heart beats get faster and faster when I’m near you, that’s what you said anyway, you said “all those spaces between your heartbeat gets faster and faster whenever I’m near you,” because we were both sitting down and your head was on my chest, and well, yeah, so I guess only you, me, and the doctor have heard my heartbeat. That’s three people. And maybe Mum and Dad when I was young. Five people. You make me nervous. I can write to you, I can write about how I miss you and care for you and how I want to hug you and maybe even spoon, if you think that’s okay, but you know, if spooning isn’t really your thing (I actually don’t like spooning that much, because my arm gets trapped, and it’s really uncomfortable, so yeah, we don’t have to spoon if you don’t want, it’s cool) we can just look at each other at a park somewhere, or on a hill of some sort, or at a restaurant, maybe, or even a movie? What’s a good movie? The Departed? Is that good? My brother tells me Little Miss Sunshine is something good to watch. But how can I invite you? When I try to speak, the words are blank, they're surface, they're Boring. I’m nervous even when I don’t even realise it, you know this for yourself when you heard my heartbeat. I like it when you smile, I find myself wondering when you’ll smile next, I also like when you don’t think anyone is looking, and you asked me, smiling, “why are you looking at me?” and I like it how I think about you right before I sleep on those rare nights, and sometimes you appear in the songs I listen to, that one lyric, word, tune, note, sometimes you’re in the music videos and the movie screens and in the poems and in each of the letters in the alphabet, and I spell your name in “A” and in “B” and in “C,” and “D” and “E” and it keeps going on, inside the texts and the fonts, and what is love anyway? You can be a loving person if you donate money to charity, if you save a life here and there, if you lend someone a book or a CD, but then you can’t love romantically until it’s been a few months, can’t love exist in an instant? Let’s say a kiss, or a hug, or a thought? Can’t we fall in love like they do in the movies? I like the sound of your name, it slips off my tongue and not my drool, and it hovers around like a small star and it falls asleep and floats and it goes through my eyes and my ears and down my stomach, and first it’s trapped in a cocoon, but then the cocoon breaks and it escapes and it gains wings and flutters and it becomes and it stays there every second, minute, day, month, until time does his thing and becomes untrustworthy. When can I kiss you? When can I kiss you again? When can I kiss you again, and again, and again? I’m infatuated, I have a crush, I like, I’m in lust, I’m in love, I’m thinking non stop, and when we both look at each other in a group, that second, confetti, all different colours, shoots up and falls down and it rains and rains and rains confetti and gummy bears and candies and floss and warm snowflakes and dry ice and smoke and millions of colours and you smile again, and my heart, which is beating faster and faster and faster, is breaking into a zillion confused pieces.
| 148 |
| Vote |
Add To: 
subscribe to this blog
Comment by Eva
I wish you weren't so far away.. miles and miles down South. I wish there was a staircase of stars that led to your doorstep.. your bed... your hugs and warmth.
Hold my hand and feel my heartbeat baby, after this is all over, we can finally be together.. right??? right baby??
Comment by Anonymous
"Baby Jah-Love," Ping Chong sang, "Why are you so sad? Once I was sad like you. And then I met Valentine in a rain forest in Jamaica. He appeared out of the green mist. I had been dreaming of him and wishing for him forever. When I met Valentine I wasn't afraid anymore. I knew that my soul would always have a reflection and an echo and that even if we were apart- and we were for a while in the beg
beginning- I finally knew what my soul looked and sounded like.
I would have that forever, like a mirror or an echoing canyon."
piano keys and ferris wheels, bright lights flash invitingly, calling empty souls to be filled with illussive, condescending fufillment
empty promises
broken down palaces, deep, dark alluring caves with twinkling candelabra's hanging from the uneven ceiling.
next thing you know, you're buried in the rubble of your own shattered glass emotion.
Comment by Always Eighteen
Always Eighteen
Eva - why did you mail back the plane tickets? i think there is a lot we have to talk about, but not on this blog.
Comment by Sisi
Comment by K.L. Almeroth
Motherhood
Always Eighteen,
I love this...it's beautiful...
I love all this tension between you and Eva, too....beautiful.
K.L.
P.S. Yep, I do believe you can fall in love in an instance.
Comment by Andrea
V8 Supercar Pitstop
Beautiful. What more can I say.
A.H.
Comment by Always Eighteen
Always Eighteen
Comment by Always Eighteen
Always Eighteen
i wouldnt mind being in a relationship like in the movies. You know, the Audrey and Hugh Grant style happy endings... ive come to realise though that the movies never talk about the ex lovers and the jealousy and all those little horrors.
Comment by Sisi
Comment by Andrea
V8 Supercar Pitstop
Yes, oh yes. I visit that zone as much as possible. As for writing it down, you managed to convey what you were feeling so wonderfully in this piece.
I write as much as I can from the bottom of my heart.
A.H.
Comment by Adrienne
Comment by Always Eighteen
Always Eighteen
Comment by K.L. Almeroth
Motherhood
Always Eighteen (I like A.H.'s calling you Always...),
Yes, if only I could live in that romance movie myself!
I think I would give up everything (well, maybe not everything, but close to) to have that love they personify in the movies...
Well, to have it like it appears on-screen! That would be wonderful!
But, no, they never show the after...they never show what happens next, how they drove each other crazy...
This reminds me of seeing Speed 2....was I the only person devasted that Keanu Reeves and Sandra Brown (their characters, at least) broke up? I just couldn't get into the second movie...I was too entwined in the vision that they'd lived happily ever after....
K.L.