THE PERFECT DICK
March 2nd 2008 10:24
“Ohmygosh,” Vail said. “Pete has like, the most perfect dick.”
I eyed Jude and he eyed me back. Jude smirked and called the waitress.
Vail rolled her eyes. She was talking about her new boyfriend, Pete. “I’m serious. Usually I don’t like how dicks look like, but his… It has the most perfect shape. It’s beautiful.”
Jude and I burst out laughing, but Vail didn’t seem to find it funny. “Look,” she said, “I’m trying to have a normal conversation with you guys here. I don’t have many girlfriends-”
“Is this the first guy who isn’t paying you for sex?” Jude interrupted.
That was it. That was the comment that gave the conversation between the three of us a second of extremely regrettable silence. Vail slammed the table with her hand, gave Jude the finger and rushed off to the girls’ toilet.
“You dickhead,” I muttered.
I walked into the toilets and knocked on Vail’s cubicle door. She didn’t answer at first, so I knocked again.
“What?” Vail was sniffling.
“Open the door, Vail.”
“Jude’s a dickhead.”
“I just told him that,” I said.
Vail sort of laughed, then paused, considered something. “You’re in the girls’ toilet.”
“It’s okay. I’m drunk.”
“Oh.”
We were silent for a while. I looked around. So that’s how girls’ toilets looked like. More cubicles, less cock.
“He looks like Chris Brown,” Vail eventually said.
“Who?”
“Pete.”
“Oh.” I thought about something. “I like Chris Brown’s latest single, With You.”
“Yeah, it’s hot.”
I peeked under the cubicle and saw Vail’s shoes. They were new shoes that had little prints of cherries on them. She told me that they hurt, but they looked good, so it didn’t matter.
“Are you chucking a shit?” I asked.
Vail laughed. “I’m just sitting here, you drunk idiot.”
“Are you going to come out?”
“Why didn’t you enroll in uni this year?” Vail asked.
“Come out,” I think I said.
“No.”
“Come out.”
Vail opened the cubicle door. Her eyes were a bit red, but she was smiling. She wasn’t chucking a shit. She was just standing there. We walked back out and swore at Jude for a while, and he swore at us. We drove around; I watched everything outside the car and thought about nothing. We went to the gym and I sat somewhere while they ran on the treadmills. There was a TV that played music videos. The music video was showing With You, by Chris Brown, and I hummed along, and things blended into the sound waves, and expensive exercise machines chugged amongst the deepest layer of background noise.
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